Complicated Devotion
by goldistic
Summary: My version of what happened in the gap of time between Juliana deciding to save Joe's life and watching him float away on the boat. (1x10)


**A/N:** Hi guys! I just have to say I LOVE this show. It's probably the most underrated show in the universe, and part of the reason I love it so much is because of the dynamic Joe and Juliana have. I needed to write about them, so I wrote this pretty quickly. It's much shorter than what I usually publish but the gap between Juliana deciding to save his life and watching him float away isn't that big. But I plan to write more about them in the future, I just need ideas. However, without further ado, here's my version of the missing scene in 1x10.

* * *

"I don't believe the tape. I don't believe it." Her voice was soft, but her words were still so significant that neither one of them could believe it. She looked at him, her blue eyes becoming damp with tears as she shook her head slightly. "I believe you." God, what was she doing? She knew the weight of her words and the consequences they hid behind them, but yet, in that moment she didn't care. In that moment, she forgot about Karen and Lem. She forgot about the resistance. Hell, she forgot about Frank. But she did believe Joe, she believed Joe over the tape and over everyone else in her life. She believed in the moments they shared together. He saved her life too many times for it to mean nothing, she could see the truth in his eyes. And that's what she looked to now, his eyes that were already reading hers.

In that moment, it was just the two of them. The two of them who stood staring at each other, their faces holding unspoken fears but also trust. His sandy blonde hair shook steadily against the wind, but he paid no attention to it. His only focus was on Juliana, who just told him the words he's been desperately hoping to hear. She had no reason to trust him and he knew that, no reason to even want him alive but yet, she did. He couldn't explain it and frankly neither could she, but Joe Blake was the one person she trusted with her life and for that, she couldn't lead him into a death trap. She would never forgive herself. She needed him.

His arm slowly and shakily fell back to his side, the tape still in his hand. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He didn't know how much time they had but he didn't imagine they had much. He had so much to say to her, so much to apologize for. He wanted, hell he _needed_ all the time in the world with her. But time was a luxury these days, a luxury neither could afford.

She grabbed his free hand then, suddenly coming to the realization that he needed to get out of here or he was a dead man. She led him quietly but hastily past the door where Lem waited and hurried towards the boat.

"You need to get on," Juliana told him once they arrived at the edge of the dock. She turned towards him again, her eyes pleading with his.

"What about you?" He asked, his hand searching for hers the instant they lost each other. She took it, and looked at it solemnly as she shook her head.

"I can't, Joe." Again, her voice was soft but confident, just as it always was. She looked him over, trying to memorize the shape of his face and the colors in his eyes. She didn't think she'd ever forget a detail, but she didn't know if she'd ever see him again. She needed to take him in.

"Yes you can," he urged, his own eyes filling with tears. He didn't want to leave her to deal with his mess, he couldn't let her go without knowing what would happen to her. He needed her to be safe. He didn't know what he'd ever do with himself if something ever happened to her because of him. He wouldn't be able to live with it.

"Joe, please," she pressed gently. Her hand traveled to his cheek, and he subconsciously leaned into the warmth and comfort.

"Leavin' now, you two comin' on or what?" The hoarse voice pulled them out of their conversation and they both looked to one of the men on the boat, who stood impatiently.

The two of them looked at each other again, their faces somber and defeated. They still had so much more to say, so much left unsaid. But Joe was done wasting time, he wasn't ready to let her go without the one thing he needed to give her. So without warning, his hand slid up to her cheek and he pulled her face to his, and the world abruptly disappeared.

It was suddenly just the two of them, just their lips moving in perfect synchronized passion. Nothing else mattered except for the way he carefully but protectively held her, the way he told her everything through the way his lips moved against hers. The kiss was pressed with emotion and it was everything the both of them imagined it would be, and neither wanted it to end.

But it had to.

They both pulled away, breathless and exhilarated, but as soon as they were apart they snapped back to reality. Joe gave her one last, desperate look, trying to convince her to go with him. But his attempt was futile, and as he stepped on the boat he swore he could physically feel his heart break. The impatient man pushed the boat from the dock immediately, and Joe and Juliana were left staring at each other with the distance growing between them

"Tell me I'm going to see you again," he called, and the emotion that wavered in his voice made her want to fall to her knees and break down. But she couldn't say anything, her own emotions had her words trapped in her throat. As she opened her mouth to answer him, nothing came out. She didn't even know what she planned to say if she could speak, she didn't know if she would ever see him again. The thought broke her heart, and she clutched her chest as she watched him float further and further away.

She heard footsteps behind her but she paid no attention to them, she just trained her sorrow gaze on the man who had her heart. The man who wasn't _supposed_ to have her heart, but did anyway. The man who lied to her for the majority of the time she knew him, but the man who she still believed she knew inside and out.

Lem shouted something to her and the proximity of his voice made her flinch, but she still refused to tear her eyes away from Joe. If they decided to kill her now, at least she'd be looking at him.


End file.
